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i can’t stand feeling and being alone at school

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feels like i’m gonna have a panic attack when i think about being alone my whole life. i see no reason for anyone to ever want me. i’m boring, fat, awkward and my mind is fucked up. how is someone supposed to want to be with someone that thinks such fucked up things that i do. horrible horrible horrible.

i see no real future for me. i don’t see me in the future. not with anyone. i’m not even there.

i wonder what the people i know would think and say if they saw all the things here and everything that goes on in my mind.

saw a movie tonight. about a man helping a kid that saw ghosts. they talked all the time. turned out that the man was a ghost and he didn’t even know. the little boy did. since the beginning, probably. and it made me think: what if we think we are there, living and doing things, but in reality we’re not. we’re not anything.

made me realise that i feel like that. like i’m there going through the motions even thought i’m really not.

it hurts when i think about how my friends don’t need me. it hurts when they choose other people. it hurts when i always think i annoy them. because i probably do. all the time. and they’re just too polite to say anything.

there’s so much anxiety inside, feels like i’m going to burst, i haven’t cut in some time now, i don’t keep track because it reminds me of it and it’s not good to do it i know. so i don’t keep track.

because if i think about it, i think about why i do it and when i think of why i do it, i notice more and more of the bad things, like how i must’ve gained a lot of weight even though the scale doesn’t say so because i can see that i have and it’s fucking ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly and horrible and fatfatfatfatfatfatfat and the scale is lying to me

i need to stop before this gets too long, so until next time.

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jetbag:

one time i actually thought i had a chance with someone 

(via fuckhimrightharry)

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"It’s easy for someone to joke about scars if they’ve never been cut."

— William Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet: Act 2, Scene 2. (via sickenedfae)

(Source: mourningmelody, via butwhipsandgaysexciteme)

Quote
"I don’t. I don’t want anybody else to touch you. I’m silly. I get furious if they touch you."

— Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms (via observando)

(via thingsicant)

Quote
"Some people are so broken,
They get mad at you for being whole."

(Source: jawnsbejawnin, via fckngsick)

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juggernaat:

The problem with a history of depression and anxiety is that you can never know if you’re “just having one of those weeks” or if you’re sliding back down into those places you swore you’d never go again.

(via jumpscare)

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just wanna slit my wrists and get it all over with

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zacffren:

i like being alone, not feeling alone

(via thingsicant)

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my-disasterology-me:

Reblog if you undertsand or ever done this.~

my-disasterology-me:

Reblog if you undertsand or ever done this.~

(via shattered-broken-battered)

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a-sad-guy:

greeneggsangraham:

saltunderthesea:

This broke my fucking heart

This is why you don’t lie about having mental disorders. It is not a joke.

I’m crying

a-sad-guy:

greeneggsangraham:

saltunderthesea:

This broke my fucking heart

This is why you don’t lie about having mental disorders. It is not a joke.

I’m crying

(Source: thiswolfheartstillbeats, via jumpscare)

Photoset
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I also don’t get it - I barely eat anything but still I weigh the same. Fucking shit.

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It feels like I’m repeatedly driving into a brick wall whereas the wall is my mental health.

It’s a low again, I can feel that. What I don’t understand is how I can be so stressed that I want to throw up when I don’t even do the school work I’m supposed to. It just keep piling up and I feel worse and worse.

And my skin keeps itching for me to cut and I don’t want to I don’t want to I don’t want to. Except that I do.