I can’t stop cutting. Haven’t been able to stop since I read the letter.
The letter from my school that said that we wouldn’t be able to buy our computers from school.
I can’t give up my mac. It’s my everything. It’s my whole life. It might sound overdramatic but I don’t think I’ll be able to live without it.
Because I don’t have any other computer that is mine. My stationary one has an error with a card thingy inside, making the screen flimmer with colours.
That mac is my little precious baby. How will I be able to lie without it?
I’ll only have my little sister’s super mini laptop that I hate. It’s so damn small that there isn’t even a DVD holder inside. It’s that small. And it doesn’t love me back the way this one does, we love each other so much and now the school is going to rip it away from me.
I don’t know if I’ll last the summer.
The worst part of this is probably that I’m not exaggerating.
Maybe coming back later, going back to the cutting. and crying. and hating life.
I have two presentations for tomorrow. I haven’t even started with one of them and it’s eight o’clock in the evening in twenty minutes. I just can’t concentrate on anything. Can’t sit still on my bed. But I need to do this now because I have to. Probably won’t get a lot of sleep tonight either. Slept one hour last night.
And I’ve sung and had choir the whole day in school and I’m so tired. I just want to sleep. But I need to do these assignments about history and an argumentation speech about how homosexuals (and the others) should have the right to marry, among other things.
So tired.
Hadn’t eaten anything in 21 hours. Then my parents came home with food and gave it to me. One hour after that they came with cake and cookies because it’s my mom’s birthday tomorrow. And now my tummy hurts.
Mom, why the hell would you feel ashamed over me only because I still lie in my bed at half past one in the afternoon. Is that really a legit thing to feel ashamed of? Really?
My pillow smells good.
Almost like my older sister.
I like that scent. It’s soothing.
Eating too much results in cutting. Okay. Now I know.
No birds stop chirping you can’t start now it’s only 4 am I’m not even sleeping yet
